2 am Tomatoes

You know, some people like it at night. I mean, they like being up really late at night. I can see the appeal really, it's quieter, the phone's not ringing, the heat usually lets up a bit at night. That's not me though. When I was a kid, sure, it was always fun staying up till the wee hours of the morning, it was sneaky and usually it was with friends. Fun. Nowadays I lay in my (usually uncomfortably hot) bed staring at the ceiling (or the clock, or the window, or the fireplace, whatever) and I run through all of the mistakes that I think I've made throughout the day (week, month, life, whatever). I make sure to think about all of my worst fears and I mentally watch myself fail in plans that haven't even occurred to me to yet. Grim. This late night wheel-spinning happens more than I'd care to admit and probably more than you'd care to know.

Over the years, I've figured out a few things that hold it all at bay (sometimes). I leave a small light on because then I have something to look at. I usually keep the television going really softly in the background so that I can hear human voices (the trick is to keep the volume just loud enough to hear that they're talking but not quite loud enough to hear exactly what they're saying). I'll try talking to someone until I'm tired enough to drop off (and, as Joe can attest, sometimes past dropping off). Some nights the stars are not in alignment though and I run the gauntlet until I either crash from exhaustion or I hear the buses start going by, call it morning and start worrying about how I'm going to make it through the day without ripping someone's head off because I'm so bloody tired (Joe can also attest that I'm not always successful at that either).

The stars were not in alignment tonight so I tried something different. After two or three hours of self-reflection (doesn't it sound so positive that way), I got up and made BLTs (Meag was still up so I made one for her too). Don't know if eating bacon with mayo is a good idea at 2 in the morning but it was either that or cake and that's just not happening.

2 slices of stupid-giant-sized-rye-bread-that-has-to-be-toasted-one-half-at-a-time-because-it's-so-freaking-big-that-it-won't-fit-in-my-toaster
couple of slices of tomato
couple of pieces of cooked bacon
couple of leaves of romaine that have the spine removed (sounds so grisly)
mayo
s&p

Toast it. Stack it. Eat it.

I don't know if this will help me sleep but at least I'm not hungry anymore.